Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Why Me?


Lately...
I felt something strange with my body.
I cant grip or hold any things more longer or it'll slip down.
Always mis-holding something that i want to grab. Slip some mugs, cups, glasses, or even a bowl.
Ive difficulties using spoon fork and knife.
Im easily step off my feet..and nearly fallen down.        
   
Lately...
Some people keep asking why ive got accent in my speech.."pèlat" they said...
Its not pelat...i just realize that..my speech was getting not fluent..day by day.
Sometimes i even cant burst out the words i wanted to say..or it just some half of a word.
Its hard. Really hard.

Lately...
I feel so terrible to other people.
Keep bagging them.
Keep bugging them.
Keep burdening them.
Sarcastical jokes.
Stupid jokes.  
Been silent.           
Been mean..and tell them the ugly truth...
till ive lost some of my  good & best friends.
People...i just wanted to be alone.
I dont want anybody feel sorry and sad IF youre losing me some other day.

Dont know why. I really feel down LATELY

*****

Just back. Medical check up.
Third opinion actually.
1st and 2nd one...I still hope that both doctors were wrong and lied to me.
But not the third.

Spinocerebellar-degeneration.

Due to past 3 years accident...may be.
The time when im losing one of my best buddies.
The time that I started to felt like my head wanted to malatop. Migrain. Insomnia.
And i hate stress.
Been hot tempered.

Isnt that bad kan.
Redho.
Dan pasrah.
Qada' dan qdar Nya.

But.. Why me?
How im gonna tell my mom?
My family?
And how much that im not finished my responsibility as a son as a brother?

I scared people...scared.

Ya Allah...give me some more strength.
The time that i losing for nonsenses.
To live in this world under Your bless.
And to give this world...what i should.
To Bonda..families..and friends.
I still owe them. And of course...
Owe YOU..

Amin..Ya Rabb.

Please


Me.

The reality is i'm a bad person, not good enough, not strong enough, not the choosen one, too far becoming a perfect person...
but deeply in my heart, i want to be the better...the betterman...

Ya Allah...
Please send me someone that CAN SEE
my weaknesses as an advantage to grow up,
turn my bad into charm..
make me feel comfortable, strong and complete.That would be more than enough...

Amin...ya rabb.

Monday, October 29, 2012

Sunrise Wishes

Assalamualaikum, and good morning dear friends.
All the blesses and may you have a pleasant day ahead.
 
 

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Alarm Friend(s)

Sometimes we need an alarm friend.

Remembering us when we're too busy with hectic life, all the nonsense talk, craps...our less care..and all stuff, in a good way..butthurtless.
That's the way a good alarm friend(s) to be by oursides.
Thank you to all my alarm friend(s)!
G'nite..all the blesses.