Friday, December 28, 2012

Rejection And Losing Your Heart

I have learned a lot this year already.
I learned that things don't always turn out
the way you planned, or the way you think they should.
And I've learned that there
are things that go wrong that don't always get fixed or get put back together the way
they were before. I've learned that some broken things stay broken,
and I've learned
that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones,
as long as you
have people around you who love you.

 
Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that
something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense,
regardless of how it turns out.
 
A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose
company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company
he may feel tenderly drowsy.
I'm scared, scared to tell you how I truly feel.
What if the answer I want isn't the answer I receive?

I fear rejection.
They say it's better to have tried then not to at all, but sometimes that just isn't
enough.
Sometimes all trying does is get you hurt.
I really don't know what to do, but I do know is that I don't want to lose you.
One part of me says to try, to let it all out and tell you how I really feel, maybe
that's what I should do. who knows, it might be for the better,
but then again the other part of me tells me to leave my feelings concealed.
It tells me that trying is worthless,
and then I'm reminded of my past which was nothing but pain and suffering.
What should I do?
which side do I choose?
these conflicting emotions are killing me inside.

I think I'm going to be okay now, that control you once had over me is gone. I'm
finally over you. Now when we talk, I feel nothing, those butterflies that used to be
there have gone away.
All those feelings I had for you, they disappeared and now you
are nothing more than a friend to me. It sure took me awhile, but now I'm free and I
won't be going back. You can't hurt me any longer.
 
I can't believe it happened, I tried to stop it but I couldn't.
 I finally broke,
 I have no fight left in me.
I thought I could keep this all inside of me, all bottled up.
 I thought if I put it in the back of my mind it would all just go away in due time.
I was wrong, keeping all these emotions inside just got too much to handle
and now here I am, broken down and defenseless.
I'm in tears, I can't hold them back any longer.
 
I want to tell you that I Love You,
but I'm afraid of the silence that might follow.
I've let a lot of chances pass me by.
Sometimes I feared rejection or I just couldn't
tell them how I truly felt.
But its too late now, too late to tell them how hard I
fell for them.
Now im living in the past, full of regrets and the chances I was
afraid to take.
Don't end up like me, don't be afraid to take the chance because
honestly sometimes you only get one chance and its up to you to take it or not.

 
No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible.
I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not
forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up,
so that it never can be shown against one.

Love,
Najeeb E. Abdullah